


Your ash on my hands

by 5ay0nara



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Hurt Tony Stark, Iron Dad, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, i don't wanna go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 00:06:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14705372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5ay0nara/pseuds/5ay0nara
Summary: "I've never deserved you.And I've never thanked you.So I want to do now.There are so many things that I neglected doing my entire life but this one thing I want do have done. I don't even know why."Unspoken words that should have been said in Infinity War. What Tony Stark might have told Peter Parker.





	Your ash on my hands

If you can hear me... will you listen to what I have to say?  
Even now, after all that happened? 

I 've always been aware of your admiration and I can't deny secretly enjoying that you always looked up to me – I would have been a fool not to notice – but somehow I'm not sure if earn it anymore.   
Yeah, we both know, I've never deserved anything you gave me.   
I've never deserved you.   
And I've never thanked you. 

So I want to do now. 

There are so many things that I neglected doing my entire life but this one thing I want do have done. I don't even know why.   
Shit, I'm really bad at this, always have been and always will be. I'm not good when things tend to get emotional, Pepper can tell. 

So, how do I start? I never know what to beginn with and certainly I'll mess this up, too. 

Peter, I'm not a good man.   
Oh, gosh, I basically can hear you protesting right now. Can even see your little face and the glimmer of steady trust in your eyes. The certainty that I would never let you down.   
Well, I did. Unintentionally, yeah, but I did.   
Oh, hell... I couldn't help you when you needed me the most. Couldn't save you.   
And I can't stop repeating how sorry I am. I should have saved you, cause if anyone has deserved to be saved, it's you. 

I wish we had met under different circumstances. Happier circumstances that would surely not have lead to the latest events and this horrible situation I'm in. 

Just imagine what it could have been like! 

You are very clever, so I don't think that thing we used as an alibi for talking that first time secretly in front of your Aunt May – oh, please, I can't go back to earth to tell her what happened to you, oh, no, that will get a high rank on the list of my worst moments, why is this even my fate - that internship kind of thing... it might have happened anyway.   
And we would have met and you could have mumbled all the time about such usual stuff as electron rays and their varied use in SI or I could have introduced you to a friend of mine, Doctor Banner, who obtained immense knowledge about gamma rays by first-hand experience. 

In a perfect world I would not have been the one who involved you in this terrible merciless intergalactic fight.   
But this world ain't perfect and here I am with your blood on my fingers, with your ash on my hands and I can't express how much I regret bringing you here. 

I hope one day you can forgive me, Peter.   
One day, when we meet again... I wanna hug you and tell you that you're save and it shall be the most honest truth I ever told. 

Peter Parker, you are a so much better man than I will ever be.   
You would have deserved to live your innocent life.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first english fic ever so you might stumble across mistakes. Please don't hesitate to correct me.   
> Feedback is always appreciated. ^^


End file.
